I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
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