based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
