Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
there's paper in my vomit.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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