there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
