Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
