census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
