I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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