Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
