She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
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