Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
