So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
