i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
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I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
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FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
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