we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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