Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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