Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
