hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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