I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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