I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?