I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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