She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
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