Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

(973): View more from New Jersey

if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!

Fav 23 883 4831
share tweet
(512): View more from Texas

At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."

Fav 21 6467 1069
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(208): View more from Idaho

found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.

Fav 30 6800 2235
share tweet
(804): View more from Virginia

don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you

(1-804): View more from Virginia

couldn't find a condom?

(804): View more from Virginia

basically

Fav 16 6225 1689
share tweet
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
Read it at the TFLN blog
(310): View more from California

Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake

Fav 8 2836 5877
share tweet
(727): View more from Florida

he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?

Fav 8 3876 1461
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(226): View more from Ontario

Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again

Fav 5 2156 3527
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(323): View more from California

There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream

Fav 9 758 1469
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(623): View more from Arizona

So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.

Fav 1 300 173
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT