You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
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My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
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Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct