I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.