you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Randomize
