that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Randomize
