The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101