Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(714): View more from California

It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...

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(630): View more from Illinois

I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me

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(860): View more from Connecticut

You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"

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(562): View more from California

I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(360): View more from Washington

I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off

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(716): View more from New York

I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.

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(585): View more from New York

Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.

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(517): View more from Michigan

Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?

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(662): View more from Mississippi

I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!

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