those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
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Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
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THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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