You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
