you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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