that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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