I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
