READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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