dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
