i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Blood and glitter go together right?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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