There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
