I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
