so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
