I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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