what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Randomize
