I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
