I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
