I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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