I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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