Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
