It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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