I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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