Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
