Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
false alarm. still invincible.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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