just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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