I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
