Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Randomize
