I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
