the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
