Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
