I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
