He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
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I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
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you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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