Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insuranceâ€
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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