How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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