i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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