dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
