I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
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We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
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I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
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