I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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