id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
