He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
