Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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