wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
