My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Randomize
