You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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