I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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