K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
