I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
