I CAN MOONWALK!
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
