she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
