Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
