The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
