My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
