I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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