It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i may or may not be watching the land before time
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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