that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
