He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
