I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
