"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
