she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
When did angry sex become our thing?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
