hotel room ftw
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
